Mar 15, 2023
I received an email from a former client I haven’t interacted with in years that went into detail about how terrible I was for holding a boundary about being paid in the standard way before working with her. It included expressions of pity that I was such a terrible, money motivated person that I would do such a hurtful, obviously awful thing to her.
It was, among other things, a trip down memory lane of a lot of failures in my early attempts at relating to friends and lovers. When I got hurt, rather than introspection, compassion (for them or me), or working through the emotions before trying to address the misalignment, I would spin a story of how wrong and bad the other person was and why I was entitled to whatever I had desired from them. Then, I’d write a really long email explaining this. Happily, with the help of therapy, among other things, I have more functional ways of relating.
Yet, I can still find that subroutine of ruminating on another person’s way of being in the world as invalid when I feel hurt. This messy, vital, complex business of relating to other humans has such levels of risk and reward. In this long episode, I share about my personal journey with mental loops of vilifying other people and how I navigate it when someone vilifies me and wants to tell me about it. I hope it helps you have a functional map for navigating this highly charged, complicated energy, whether it's showing up internally or focused outwards.
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Sound editing by Kevin Young. You can reach him at kyoung.keviny@gmail.com
DISCLAIMER: The suggestions and information provided here are intended for personal growth and exploration. The content of this podcast is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice or psychological treatment. Please seek the advice of your doctor or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical or mental health condition.
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